Archive for July 1st, 2012

July 1, 2012

The Children In My Life …My Own “Royal” We – My Family & My Friends!

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

 I am truly blessed …there are so many wonderful babies, children and young people in my life. After years of very expensive and often painful fertility treatments [and miscarriages/failed attempts] my husband and I were able to become parents of twin sons. After things are a bit more settled [soon, G-d willing this Fall] we are considering adding a few more – our frozen embryos will be luring us toward a larger family [possibly via a gestational carrier this time]. We often discuss adding four to our family but two more are a definite possibility. I am Jewish and our children are being raised not only in the Jewish faith but in the rules and disciplines my faith dictates [grant it some are the same as others faiths or ideals – respect, organization, ambition to excel]. Most parenting tips books include the doctrines of faith – whether they admit it or not. Ours is a hands on/involved plan …as my own wise Mother said, parenting is an active verb, not a noun.

There have been those biologically/others claiming to be related [adults and children] that we were forced to legally disown and disinherit – for our safety and well being. Some just too vulgar or disloyal to continue to associate with and others actually frightening due to what experts suggested to us were severe personality disorders, along with acts of vandalism against us. Just recently a colleague knowing of our horrific past circumstances [more in my 2013 book, “Heiress Mommy”] suggested I watch the DVD/read the book, “We Need To Talk About Kevin” – I did and once again realized that as a psychiatrist friend had warned myself and my husband, we are lucky – our decision to distance our family from unhealthy and what even the police thought to be dangerous people was a very smart move.

HOWEVER, there are so many others – my nieces, nephews, cousins [a few from my husband’s distant relations] and our extended family/children of amazing friends who make our life so sweet and so full. My husband joins me daily in planning our new and wonderfully expanding life – how including not only our own children but those of extended family and friends will allow us a sort of dynastic legacy and eternal remembrance of our love and good deeds.

The children of my friends [extended family] have offered joy, compassion and care during some very difficult times – I like to think I/my husband have returned in kind those gifts.  I always, as does my husband, try to address ALL children/young people with an exacting answer or conversation – striving to never ignore their situations. I like to think that it is as a result of this attentiveness that not a day goes by that one of these children do not offer me/us a hug, loving message or chat and often much needed support.

My friends are many and varied and as such their children and grandchildren are as well – the marvelous mosaic of my life made brighter by these individuals. There are too many names to list – my facebook page and iphone full of  my surrogate children but just the other day the teenage granddaughter of gal pal Anna B., Javonna S., asked why I had written about her little sister Danaya “A REAL American Girl!” and not her to date – of course her charming prelude about her being my “favorite” made that task an imperative. I promised that my next blog post – after last, “Why ACA Is Obama’s FDR Moment!” would be about her and all the blessings of the young people I love and who love me so well. Here goes Javonna dear – this one is for you:

A lively, lovely and loving teenager – that is who greets me when I visit my dear Anna B., in the personage of Javonna. A tall beauty – bright and fun and always kind to her Auntie Tereza. Of course, as with all relationships, closeness means concern and responsibility – as such I worry now that Javonna drives – I am always being the good Jewish Mother type – reminding her of caution and awareness of others on the road. I think too often parents only think they care – REAL caring is being sure/taking the time, energy and money to ensure our young people drive safe vehicles. I have known of too many tragedies that could have been prevented if parents or other adults were not so laissez fare about what the young adults in their life were doing – it seems some adults believe in an almost usury relationship with the children in their care in that these adults only do the minimum over sight/that most convenient for their own life. Such is not the case for me …I worry, I call, I text, email and do everything in my power [no matter how busy my own life is] to ensure Javonna and the others I love are safe. It is both an unselfish and selfish motive: I want their life to be long and healthy and I want the fun and glory of shared times with all these wonderful people as I grow older.

As it has been with the other children in my life when they became young adults,  I hope and pray it will be with Javonna as she enters college in a few years – that is that we will continue to share great conversations, give one another support and have great adventures [our first was a few years ago on MLK Day at The Philadelphia Constitution Center – especially poignant day as my beloved Father, Abraham was a civil rights activist/marched on D.C. with Dr. King and Javonna is one-half African American].  It is also great fun that Javonna and I both love the gorgeous Jewish rapper Drake, that we can discuss flicks and clothes – it is equally satisfying that I believe I have made a difference in this sweet young lady’s life.

My personal plan to be a grand dame – surrounded by not only my own children and grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. but my extended and surrogate family – in homes full of love and laughter.


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