The Feminist Fertility Toolbox™

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

Your having a (my) baby – a woman like you [my dear hubby always expressing his gratefulness that is was a woman LIKE ME having his babies] … yes, that is a line from an old Paul Anka song but for those of us who have struggled with fertility issues it is a thank you G-d moment when the OB states that as fact. For myself and my husband, it was a costly, time consuming and an often uncomfortable process  – succeed we did but oh baby it was quite a journey. Ours was not only fraught with the physical, financial issues and consideration of my advance maternal age but we had to deal with lies and slander [lawsuits being filed this Fall] about our situation … of course, the ignorant are always out there – as one of my attorneys asked, don’t they read, watch TV or google? His reference was to the fact that many – not only myself – woman past 50 get pregnant and gestate successfully; some from donor eggs  [was option we considered but we were blessed with my own still being viable] and others via surrogate and/or gestational carrier [our next plan after our twin sons are a  little older – we want to have a gestational carrier for our remaining embryos]. By the way, as link I have included explains – there are quite a few women past 50 who got pregnant naturally. Of course, as I advise my younger women friends – do not look to me as a reason to wait – I got lucky and would have been accepting of other options. The other thing that I luckily had was good insurance and the most amazing support system [husband, colleagues and friends] in the world. I want everyone to have choice and opportunity in the baby arena and so I will inform and entertain as best possible in this blog post.

Now – why did I title this blog post with one of the trademarks my husband and I now own … it is quite simple – both he and I are feminist [he and our children legally took my last name as of January 2012] and we truly believe everyone has the right to determine when and how she or he does or does not have children. Trust me – those who oppose choice concerning pregnancy termination also oppose fertilty/reproductive assisted treatments. You have heard the rhetoric about G-d’s will and not wanting to interfere with the divine plan as the zealots see it to be. As a devout practicing Jew, I see G-d’s divine plan as having made available the marvelous doctors and technology that allowed my husband and I to have the children we always wanted. I tell everyone to take full advantage no matter age to make their dream of having children come true – no method should be left unexplored. Most important – as it was for my husband and I – do NOT let anyone, for any reason deter you from your dream of becoming a parent … no matter what form or route, it is worth it.

Possibilities to consider include not only egg donors, gestational carriers but surrogacy, IVF, IVM and of course, for women without male partners or if  their husband has medical issues, sperm banks. For gay or same sex couples, these same possibilities exist. There are also more and more options for women who face illness/cancer therapies that will render them infertile … Ovarian preservation or egg retrieval/freezing prior to treatments are frequently suggested by physicians for those facing that situation. As I already referenced one of the reasons my husband and I trademarked The Feminist Fertility Toolbox and care so deeply about the right of choice,  is that there are those who believe they can and must decide if any and for whom these advanced medical procedures are made available. In other words, politics and not intercourse or a doctor visit will determine who and how babies are made. Definitely an OMG thing to consider, don’t you think???  When we decided to try again [having miscarried early in our marriage nine years ago] to create the family both of us wanted so desperately, my husband and I laughed at the almost dictatorial suggestions by SOME [not those who really love us] that we might want to reconsider on account of our ages, etc.. My husband wanted children so badly, he became angry in thinking those folks had children but somehow thought they could persuade us not to – of course, there were our dear loving REAL friends and extended family who only worried that after our other miscarriages, more heartbreak would devastate us. Like all that seems happens in our life, these amazing people pledged their support once we made it clear we were moving forward in our quest to have children. Many held my hand, took middle of the night calls, drove with me to doctors appointments, thwarted our frequently mentioned enemies and bought the most beautiful baby gifts in the world to fill the nursery for our twin sons.

In some countries, insurances cover fertility treatments  … here in the U.S., only a few tests and procedures are paid for by insurance. One of our goals is to establish a fund to assist others like ourselves who want to pursue the medical options to get pregnant that are so expensive – hoping to seed this with donations from my books, etc. and from other like minded and generous people who know how much having children can mean. This idea actually came from a Main Line [Philadelphia] couple who have a similar organization that helps those wanting to adopt but do not have the funds to pursue that option. We get back to politics here  … in this great nation there are the anti choice zealots who not only want to eliminate pregnancy termination options [even in cases of incest, rape or threat to Mother’s life], cut most prenatal and childhood programs but also do not support insurance companies covering fertility treatments and some others who think adoption should be limited to certain types of couples [not gay for instance]. The proverbial slippery slope is in front of us concerning having  babies …as with all those other slides toward dictatorial policies, we – people of good sense – must remain vigilant and NEVER allow others to determine how a family is created or by whom!!!

P.S. As in other blog posts, I promise details, photos and such – about EVERYTHING, including our children, – after litigation this Fall and definitely in my 2013 book: Heiress Mommy … A Modern Super Woman Life! Hope to see all my readers [now nearly 4,000] at bookstore signings, in the audience when they interview me on TV shows [need to start watching myself – mostly know what is on TV from reading about it at this point] but for now you can “Chat With Tereza” via email by going to my picture next to blog posts. Stay tuned – this is getting REALLY interesting!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: