Atlas with a Vagina!

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

Our true intent is all for your delight.

–William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream                                                                               

female atlas Carrying the world on my shoulders seems the norm – as it does for many of my gender … from the beginning of recorded history, throughout the ages and into modernity there are examples of we females burdened with and triumphant against the ills of the world. I am deeply flattered when my husband, family, friends and colleagues describe me as “a REAL force of nature.” Being a REAL alpha type female has served me quite well – I never allow myself to feel or be treated like a mere “chick” in professional settings … I assume I am equal because I am equal to any man in the room. Being alpha does not mean I do not depend on any man – my husband is my equal partner in all things [we are each others heroes] and there are many other male friends and colleagues whose presence in my life is very important and even paramount to my successes. I like being REALLY smart and men like that I am too – no feigned weakness or “damsel in distress” posturing is needed for me to get attention. For me and other women a vagina is not, as often publicized, any detriment to success – in fact, more recent empirical social and scientific data proof of the reverse – there is REALLY vagina power. No slight to the male genitals but oh baby, we gals birth you, feed you, love you and so much more. Now do not get defensive my darling male readers nor my females who might be getting that “I am not a feminist” attitude because you think that would mean something it REALLY does not – like you can not be stay at home Mom or pretty or whatever. Equally some of my devout feminist kind – which by the way both myself and my husband [who legally took my last name/has our children do the same] REALLY are – find bogus offense to my often used “goddess” reference … I embrace that status and even trademarked Goddess Crew™ on account of my effort toward thwarting that term as diminishing and instead, as I believe, promoting that all REALLY good women are indeed goddesses. Here I assure you only, without insult, I present my take and REAL facts on how females have been equal to and at times, superior to our male compatriots – trust me, I will liberate my men and women readers equally – for does not REAL strength of all people give comfort to each of us?

I’m a lonesome little Eve, Looking for an Adam, Gee I wish I had him,

Cuddling me, neath the shade of a tree, And in our garden we would be so happy.

— Gypsy Rose Lee, on Stage

How can I discuss vaginas without mentioning Eve – Adam’s dear companion. One of my husband’s and my favorite books [that my darling gifted me during our courtship] is The Diaries of Adam & Eve, Translated by Mark Twain. In fact both of us quoted this book – in my blog post, A Wedding Anniversary Tale: How NPR, Jaguars and Eagles Got Me Married! [20 November 2012] and on Chester Michael Eliasz-Solomon’s Facebook page to commemorate our 9th wedding anniversary on 29 November 2012; we are also planning to incorporate it into our 10th anniversary marriage renewal ceremony next year. Why you ask is this particular literary work relevant to my idea about female strength and power? The answer is that Twain has his imaginary Adam diarist entries acknowledge Eve’s value and importance in his life. Lets face it folks – Eve got a bad rap in Bible tales.  The offer of fruit – an apple – Eve’s greatest faux pas and yet her main man willingly accepting it made him the victim? Well now – we must examine who here is the strong player and whom the subjugated weakened character; for did not the giving in by Adam make him the lesser and did not that make him the guilty party? No matter – Eve got blamed and we broads have been paying ever since … read on as I examine the issues of REAL power and REAL aptitude that often allowed women to rule the world and how men were gladdened by that fact.

May your bare ass always be shiny.   – Eleanor Roosevelt to Gypsy Rose Lee, 1959


Queens, warriors, scientists, adventurers, athletes, poets, writers, chanteuse, mothers, wives, lovers, harlots and whores … just a few of the titles women have had while shouldering the burdens of this world. In my blog post Witches In My Halloween [28 October 2012] there is detailed evidence of how women have been accused of witchcraft throughout history in order to punish and marginalize – over an over again, society turned to the claim of magic as reasons for a woman’s success or power. We need only think of Joan of Arc to know how harmful to oneself an original idea was if female. Just as detrimental to my gender were claims of hysteria and other more serious diagnosis of mental health problems in order to explain why a woman was upset or disgusted by her life circumstances. A woman like Suor Maria Celeste, daughter of Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) has mostly been lost to history despite being, as her father described, “a woman of exquisite mind”; this third child of Galileo mirrored his own brilliance and sensibilities but was placed in convent – and yet, she still proved to be her father’s greatest support and confidant. In David Sobel’s book, Galileo’s Daughter we get to read the [as translated from the original Italian] letters from the sequestered Maria Celeste that illuminate her intelligence – leaving one to wonder what would have been this woman’s destiny if she was allowed to, as her acclaimed Father, invent and explore the heavens. In Henry VIII’s England, dynastic politics, religious dictates and propaganda and prejudice against the female gender combined to deny women full rights and even convict and execute many … easily dismissed and punished for perceived slights were women of the Court.  Leanda de Lisle writes in The Sisters Who Would Be Queen, A Tudor Tragedy about twenty-five year old Anne Askew, who as a evangelical and witty poet had the atrocity to argue with her husband about religion; charged with heresy, condemned and sentenced to death for her offenses this young intelligent woman was also tortured by rack in an attempt to get confessions about other women supportive of her religious reform ideas. Credit needs to be given where due and so I want to acknowledge that this England also had the English translated Book of the Courtier by Italian Baldassare Castiglione be popularized amongst its growing educated class of women. And then we have Queen Elizabeth I – now that vagina definitely was Atlas in a gown – the so called “Virgin Queen” cultivated an image both feminine and supremely majestic.  Having gained title to England by her wise father, Henry VII’s REAL and legal rejection of strict primogeniture inheritance [which as all my dear readers/followers know well my husband and I have also legally done with unworthy types], Anne Boylen’s daughter ruled as a single lady for many years – changing her nation for the better. Great Britain has had other successful female reigning monarchs in Queen Victoria and the current Queen Elizabeth II – both who that managed to have children and successfully rule … let us just say that these women definitely had multi-functioning vaginas. I can go further back and have referenced in other blog post the amazing and world changing female leaders, Cleopatra and Catherine the Great– needless to say, these women were strong and capable and both had vaginas but did not allow that to deter them from their rightful destinies. I know – Cleo, who we still are fascinating by, did not get to live out a long life, as the Ruler of Russia was blessed with but still managed to affect great change in her time and throughout world history. As far as affecting world history, no matter what faith you are, one must admit that the Jewish maiden, Mary giving birth to her son [as Christians refer to as] Jesus was a REALLY important historical event. So you see a vagina is not a deterrent to grandeur and in some cases the exact means to get there – by producing REAL heirs a woman can affect the world. My Hebrew name sake – Bathsheba [yes my last name is Solomon and I am the widow of David and my new/remarried to 2nd husband is Chester Michael, the archangel – interesting, don’t you think] – was blamed for the wrath of G-d on account of her luring our Jewish King David; I am thinking that this great king of we Hebrews could have easily withstood the charms of such a woman but none-the-less, she has been the one denoted as energetic seductress all these many years.

Genius is not a gift, but the way a person invents in desperate circumstances.

–Jean-Paul Sartre, as quoted by author Karen Abbott in American Rose

No vagina writing would be complete without mentioning the pioneers that changed laws and professions.  Kathleen’s Barry, Susan B. Anthony, A Biography explains that her being born in 1820s was perfect timing because that was the dawn of the political movement of women in America and Anthony was our feminist leader from the start. Nellie Bly is described in Brooke Kroeger’s book as a daredevil, reporter and feminist – being born in 1864 gave Bly an opportunity to brave the storms of  historical world changing situations while forging into new territory for women seeking to be part of current events. Harriet Tubman bravely helped organize the American Underground Railroad – her determination and hard work as an abolitionist changed the course of humanity in the United States; before her the feminist abolitionist Sojourner Truth overcame her own slavery and when freed in 1827 struck out to assure others would be able to live as full citizens in the United States. There are women who did receive appropriate recognition for their achievements: The Polish scientist Madam Curie was awarded two, one in Physics and the other in Chemistry, Nobel Prizes and certainly other females have since been given the same high honor of being Nobel Prize recipients. There were female leaders of nations championed in recent history for their efforts: Israel’s Golda Meir, India’s Indira Ghandhi  Great Britain’s Margaret Thatcher and currently Myanmar’s opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi. Great women like Coretta King, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jacqueline Kennedy, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clintonand now First Lady Michelle Obamaall made possible their husband’s accomplishments and are themselves accomplished, history changing figures. We have United States Supreme Courts Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayer and Elena Kagan that as members of the highest court in this nation affect each and every American life by their decision on legal matters. Astronauts Sally Ride and the Challenger disaster lost [my Jewish “sister”] Judith Resnik broke the ultimate “glass ceiling” for us woman by breaking through the Earth’s atmosphere. There are far too many entrepreneurs, artisans, craftsperson, etc. that are female and yes in possession of vaginas to mention here but each has overcome and succeeded not only in spite of their gender but often on account of it. Even fictional females like “the Bride” played by Uma Thurman in Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Movies teach us that REAL power can be uniquely feminine and never to be denied nor dismissed as lesser than our male counterparts.

I only fucked Gypsy Rose Lee once.

                                                                                                                             — Otto Preminger


I started this post with the idea that science might just have proved having a vagina makes one superior – here it is, as Naomi Wolf suggests in her latest book Vagina: A New Biography:  [I paraphrase] that we women have more complicated neural networks via our pelvic areas and those communicate constantly with the brain through the automatic nervous system … happily if proper and apparently [according to Wolf’s experts] multiple orgasms (lucky me) are achieved, we females get the benefit of chemicals flooding our brains to give us energy, calm, ability to focus and more. The more engaged the automatic nervous system, the larger the deluge of those positive and productive chemicals and so Wolf proposes females can perform with more excellence in our life. Hmmm … while based on scientific research, I believe one still must be cautioned as having such matters be a complete reasoning to women’s status on account of we women then being hemmed into only being worthy of respect because we have a functioning vagina. REAL truth is there are women superior to men and trust me – as you my dear regularly readers/followers know that I know women very inferior to men, as well as other females. So in conclusion the totality of the vagina circumstances is well stated in the popular play Vagina Monologues – more or less the bottom line is that vaginas are here to stay and must be taken REALLY good care of, loved and never ignored!

I’m really a little prudish, which people may think incongruous. I’m not as

broadminded as I sound, with my boisterous way of talking. I’m not easily

shook, but I do take a prudish point of view on certain films, books and

trends. Then, I pull myself up short and ask myself how Gypsy Rose Lee

could possibly be this way.

                                                                                                                                      — Gypsy Rose Lee

P.S. I know you are wondering why all the Gypsy Rose Lee quotes and references above from Karen Abbott’s book, American Rose … well, first is because I REALLY do admire this tough, erudite, self-made lady – she, like I and many women have thwarted slanderous enemies and defined ourselves with REAL truth about who we are. Second, like so many happenstances in my life, I have a surreal, unique and unexpected connection to this iconic American entertainer. In 2004 a writer wanted to tell my life story and have Erik Preminger – son of Gypsy and Otto Preminger  – produce the movie version. Hubby and I decided that was not the right time and so we respectfully declined the offer and here we are now with my memoir, Heiress Mommy … A Modern Super Woman Life! finally soon being published  and with negotiations having  begun for the movie version. See my life REALLY is amazing – hubby dear and I REALLY the winners … stay tune my darling readers – the best is REALLY yet to come!!!

You can become a winner only if you are willing to walk over the edge.”

     — Damon Runyon, as quoted by author Karen Abbott in American Rose


Note: You must be thinking – what no mention of my nemesis? All right – here it is. I believe the females of The Miscreants™ and THE REAL Evil Doers Club™ and (my husband assures me that at least one) THE REAL Devil’s Daughter™ [his ex-wife] all have vaginas but in them one can see how scary and unattractive that particular genital can REALLY be and what useless offspring can be produced henceforth … so in conclusion, it becomes obvious that not all vaginas are REALLY equal!!!


3 Comments to “Atlas with a Vagina!”

  1. Very intellectual and philosophical outlook.

  2. Mind is the creator, it goes without saying that sexual arousal begins in one’s mind. We need to think more of what we want to create for ourselves and in our relationships rather than what sex we are a member of. A boy’s first close relationship is with his mother. Teach your children to be strong, kind and to think for themselves.

  3. Thank you – for EVERYTHING – my brilliant writer/dear friend Michael Charton [@tusconmike]!

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