The Apology Fallacy!

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

apologiesSorry, Sorry, Sorry …” they say or maybe not but either way to what REAL extent do those words – in response to that which is now a fait accompli – REALLY matter? Often feigned, forced and certainly frequently insincere the idea of an apology is futile unless and until supported by REAL and concrete actions … in fact no REAL benefit occurs to perpetrator nor victim from a “falling on ones sword” admittance of wrongdoing in circumstances where no further representation of remorse is present. Unless – now you dear readers just knew I had an exception in mind – the evil doer has integrated as REAL fact that which he or she is guilty of and as such no longer remains convinced of their innocence. Projection, denial or nothing more than deliberated deceit nullifies the guilty parties ability to comprehend and rectify through productive effort that sin for which an apology is and should only be the beginning. Rendered worthless are the words used to express emotion supposed as awareness for the slight, egregious act or crime. What alternative exist one might ask to demonstrate error of behavior toward ones fellow besides apology? Possibly the biblical eternal question of right and wrong, deed and action or neglect shall never be REALLY answered – the trials and errors of we humans now regulated by laws and standards are the only viable current solution available but we need to examine the nuances save the proliferation of subterfuge the allows the dishonest to prevail.

The Apology is Plato’s version of the speech given by Socrates as he defended himself in 399 B.C. against the charges of corrupting the young, and not believing in the gods in whom the city believes. So in this ancient and historical text we find a defense motive – still often used by defendants as part of the plea phase as they hope for Judge and jury to believe their remorseful feelings for that crime they stand now convicted of. Socrates says that the old charges stemmed from years of gossip and prejudice against him and hence were difficult to address. Are not most of us – certainly those of you my frequent readers or personally acquainted know to be my personal case as The Miscreants™ have lied and projected onto my husband and myself erroneous wrong doings – forced to deal with from haters and usurpers chargers originating in prejudicial gossip? Indeed confusing and quite troubling is the baleful insistence that predators – including my own nemesis – profess that it is we the victims who should be creating an apologetic forum. Such a suggestion has been made in relation to the last ten years [and more before that for my dear husband] of the criminal vandalism, theft, deceit, threats, harassment, slander, defamation and stalking myself and my family have experienced at the hands of my husband’s ex-wife, her three children and their cohort Michigan miscreants and recently their hometown friends. Only one example is when my husband’s ex-wife’s children criminally vandalized his home in Summer 2003 [we met and married a few moths later]; the police present who I later became well acquainted with said in interviewing them no remorse was evident and needless to say no apology was ever forthcoming. Law enforcement, attorneys and mental health professionals advising us on upcoming litigation against these individuals and possible criminal charges, explain that this is surely indicative of sociopaths behavior. I have likened this to catching a child with hand in cookie jar and they then being angry at us the parent discovering their bad behavior … my husband and I refused to accept their fallacious behavior and instead decided to expose REAL truths of our sworn enemies – causing them to deny and invent faux alternative scenarios and justifications. Thinking I would find shameful that which I acknowledged [only the true parts] in my own life story – they became so frustrated as to actually commit REAL crimes and now allow us to seek financial rewards for damages. Do I or any of my advisers believe these miscreants and misanthropes will ever offer a sincere apology?  Well truth be told – only if whatever attorney they manage to hire for upcoming lawsuits and possible trials, insist they do as part of an agreement. Obviously this falls quite neatly into the category of an apologetic fallacy – agree?

We have all seen the politician caught in a scandalous love affair give his or her public apology of wrong doing and plea for forgiveness by spouse, family and constituents. Trust me as one who has a publicist for years, while possibly heartfelt, it is still at the recommendation of the professionals employed to guide image and make better the now scarred image of that public figure. So often those in place of power are forced into an apologetic posture that means little if anything about the true matter at hand … to initiate and sustain a difference in behavior, to rectify and make whole that which was destroyed is the REAL goal that must be present if sincere and righteousness of character is in mind. My Jewish faith is quite clear on there being no REAL external guidance more important than the intrinsic motivation that directs one by G-d to do well, make complete and live as if improved toward those wronged as the REAL and hopefully sustainable path. History is carpeted with tale and woe of those professing apology for deed and thought – to what end have these admittance of ill behavior and asking for forgiveness been documented? Is not the REAL glorified lesson learned examples from individuals who sought to correct their ways and in realization of that which caused damage or hurt, is not the end resulting blessed us with something much more valuable than the “I am sorry …” words?

P.S. In my upcoming memoir, Heiress Mommy… A Modern Super Woman Life! and follow-up, Life Journey of Heiress Mommy! every REAL detail of how owning, as I have, ones REAL life narrative frees you from the fallacy of apology, for a life REALLY well lived is without such need!!!

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