Posts tagged ‘Pregnancy’

July 31, 2012

The Feminist Fertility Toolbox™

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

Your having a (my) baby – a woman like you [my dear hubby always expressing his gratefulness that is was a woman LIKE ME having his babies] … yes, that is a line from an old Paul Anka song but for those of us who have struggled with fertility issues it is a thank you G-d moment when the OB states that as fact. For myself and my husband, it was a costly, time consuming and an often uncomfortable process  – succeed we did but oh baby it was quite a journey. Ours was not only fraught with the physical, financial issues and consideration of my advance maternal age but we had to deal with lies and slander [lawsuits being filed this Fall] about our situation … of course, the ignorant are always out there – as one of my attorneys asked, don’t they read, watch TV or google? His reference was to the fact that many – not only myself – woman past 50 get pregnant and gestate successfully; some from donor eggs  [was option we considered but we were blessed with my own still being viable] and others via surrogate and/or gestational carrier [our next plan after our twin sons are a  little older – we want to have a gestational carrier for our remaining embryos]. By the way, as link I have included explains – there are quite a few women past 50 who got pregnant naturally. Of course, as I advise my younger women friends – do not look to me as a reason to wait – I got lucky and would have been accepting of other options. The other thing that I luckily had was good insurance and the most amazing support system [husband, colleagues and friends] in the world. I want everyone to have choice and opportunity in the baby arena and so I will inform and entertain as best possible in this blog post.

Now – why did I title this blog post with one of the trademarks my husband and I now own … it is quite simple – both he and I are feminist [he and our children legally took my last name as of January 2012] and we truly believe everyone has the right to determine when and how she or he does or does not have children. Trust me – those who oppose choice concerning pregnancy termination also oppose fertilty/reproductive assisted treatments. You have heard the rhetoric about G-d’s will and not wanting to interfere with the divine plan as the zealots see it to be. As a devout practicing Jew, I see G-d’s divine plan as having made available the marvelous doctors and technology that allowed my husband and I to have the children we always wanted. I tell everyone to take full advantage no matter age to make their dream of having children come true – no method should be left unexplored. Most important – as it was for my husband and I – do NOT let anyone, for any reason deter you from your dream of becoming a parent … no matter what form or route, it is worth it.

Possibilities to consider include not only egg donors, gestational carriers but surrogacy, IVF, IVM and of course, for women without male partners or if  their husband has medical issues, sperm banks. For gay or same sex couples, these same possibilities exist. There are also more and more options for women who face illness/cancer therapies that will render them infertile … Ovarian preservation or egg retrieval/freezing prior to treatments are frequently suggested by physicians for those facing that situation. As I already referenced one of the reasons my husband and I trademarked The Feminist Fertility Toolbox and care so deeply about the right of choice,  is that there are those who believe they can and must decide if any and for whom these advanced medical procedures are made available. In other words, politics and not intercourse or a doctor visit will determine who and how babies are made. Definitely an OMG thing to consider, don’t you think???  When we decided to try again [having miscarried early in our marriage nine years ago] to create the family both of us wanted so desperately, my husband and I laughed at the almost dictatorial suggestions by SOME [not those who really love us] that we might want to reconsider on account of our ages, etc.. My husband wanted children so badly, he became angry in thinking those folks had children but somehow thought they could persuade us not to – of course, there were our dear loving REAL friends and extended family who only worried that after our other miscarriages, more heartbreak would devastate us. Like all that seems happens in our life, these amazing people pledged their support once we made it clear we were moving forward in our quest to have children. Many held my hand, took middle of the night calls, drove with me to doctors appointments, thwarted our frequently mentioned enemies and bought the most beautiful baby gifts in the world to fill the nursery for our twin sons.

In some countries, insurances cover fertility treatments  … here in the U.S., only a few tests and procedures are paid for by insurance. One of our goals is to establish a fund to assist others like ourselves who want to pursue the medical options to get pregnant that are so expensive – hoping to seed this with donations from my books, etc. and from other like minded and generous people who know how much having children can mean. This idea actually came from a Main Line [Philadelphia] couple who have a similar organization that helps those wanting to adopt but do not have the funds to pursue that option. We get back to politics here  … in this great nation there are the anti choice zealots who not only want to eliminate pregnancy termination options [even in cases of incest, rape or threat to Mother’s life], cut most prenatal and childhood programs but also do not support insurance companies covering fertility treatments and some others who think adoption should be limited to certain types of couples [not gay for instance]. The proverbial slippery slope is in front of us concerning having  babies …as with all those other slides toward dictatorial policies, we – people of good sense – must remain vigilant and NEVER allow others to determine how a family is created or by whom!!!

P.S. As in other blog posts, I promise details, photos and such – about EVERYTHING, including our children, – after litigation this Fall and definitely in my 2013 book: Heiress Mommy … A Modern Super Woman Life! Hope to see all my readers [now nearly 4,000] at bookstore signings, in the audience when they interview me on TV shows [need to start watching myself – mostly know what is on TV from reading about it at this point] but for now you can “Chat With Tereza” via email by going to my picture next to blog posts. Stay tuned – this is getting REALLY interesting!!!

July 24, 2012

Pregnancy Klout…

by Teréza Eliasz-Solomon (HeiressMommy™)

Being with child has become quite chic and a route to big time Klout  … a definite fashion statement and lifestyle plus. Stars, corporate  executives and other brainy type broads are doing the pregnancy thing with verve and panache. For me it was being everything and more – birthing babies never being allowed to stop my progress toward the goal line of life. But oh baby – did I ever have to get tough against all odds to become a mother late in my glorious and full life. You think you have a story? Trust me – varicose veins and morning sickness are nothing compared to my journey into the nursery [my 2013 book: Heiress Mommy … A Modern Super Woman Life! will detail not only my fertility treatments but also the issue of dealing with loathsome miscreants and lie spewing enemies I/we had to contend with during our happiest of times – do not worry, we ALWAYS defeat the evil doers].

There are so many being garrulous about pregnancy these days. We are bombarded with a plethora of ads, TV shows, films, magazines and pregnancy related online sites [twitter, facebook and blogs]. In fact here we are on my appropriately titled HeiressMOMMY blog. Why now – isn’t having children simply the natural order of things? Surely the world’s increasing fertility problems and women like myself who look to get pregnant later in life demands a conversation about the hows of conceiving but why all the other related subjects being discussed increasingly? Oy veh, I was even more compulsive about being perfect as a pregnant Tereza than my usual do it all, all the time me. Yes there are many benefits from knowledge – one can learn and correct mistakes that women in generations before us made – resulting in healthier mothers and healthier babies. I think the problem, like so much of modernity, is that some become overwhelmed and the normal guilt that comes with wanting to be a good mother is multiplied many fold from the barrage of must dos being thrown at we women while gestating,

There is definitely an up side however …the new pregnancy Klout has definitely shown that we gals can do it all and do it well, even while being pregnant. For myself, the usual not pregnant lifestyle of good nutrition and exercise just translates with a few caveats during gestation. Appearance and beauty maintenance are the same, with the addition of pesky little extras needed like preventing stretch marks and such. We are not after all ill or sick – we are pregnant and we should insist on not being treated like infirmed patients.

Recently Marissa Mayer was named Yahoo CEO – youngest Fortune 500 CEO,  pretty and ambition but the OMG in the press is she is pregnant [due, G-d willing, to give birth to her first child/a son this Fall]. It seems the idea of a woman becoming head of a company is no longer terribly shocking or all that unique but being a pregnant executive gets a whole lot of press coverage. This 2012 London Olympics will include a nearly nine month pregnant Malaysian Shooter [there have been much less further along pregnant participants in the past]  – I often felt like an Olympiad on account of my schedule during gestation and indeed I was racing for the Gold most days. Because of my many responsibilities and daily financial, etc. meetings while pregnant I, at times, felt the insinuated awe and unspoken “You do all this and you are pregnant!”. Even my dearest and supportive gal pals expressed concern [out of love of course] that I was over doing it while pregnant – hoping [as will be the case] that if my husband and I decided to have our other frozen embryos born I would consider a gestational carrier. You see then I could go to meetings, write, workout, socialize safely – at least I think that was the logic behind their plea. Of course, in all fairness my age was of great concern to those who love me so well – but I hear the same questioning of women younger then myself but who like me have multiple roles and admittedly very busy full schedules.

All this focus on us 1% type women who multi task while gestating is flattering and reassuring but it makes me wonder about those pregnant women throughout history who struggled on farms, in fields, during wars and even today [for whatever reason] support their families alone while pregnant – how did they and some still do it? It must be acknowledged that many women died in childbirth in other centuries – there are still places in this world where even now maternal death rates are high. I frequently question how any of us got born prior to prenatal vitamins and pregnancy yoga classes and such. Don’t get me wrong, I insisted on all the bells and whistles – busy but pampered always my life motto. Not even c-section delivery would keep me from makeup and a hair blow out [you understand those first baby & mother photos last forever and I demand looking good for posterity]. The point I want to make is that having it all seems to becoming a must do and a further divide among the classes of women …I worry that those of us able to do it perfectly are alienating our sisters still struggling just to exist. Fortunately there are many private and community, as well as government programs that reach out to lower income and troubled pregnant girls and women. I believe we must make pregnancy not only an honored and important life stage but one treated as a health issue for a better society – the poor or uneducated mother will give birth to our fellow citizen and that woman’s maternal health will therefore affect us all.

I worried for quite some time that the admiration and kindness I received while visibly pregnant would too quickly dissipate after delivering my babies …you see I was kind of use to being a bit of a babe [well toned, etc] before pregnancy and then the Klout thing kicked in during gestation – what was going to be the situation after delivering and prior to getting my figure back?  Trust me – I was definitely the Pregnant In Heels [TV show] type – no over eating or hubby shirts for me. One kind of gets used to the “ah, you look so cute with that big belly” remarks and then folks are just thinking you let yourself go – that is if you are not carrying the little bundles around everywhere. For me, my many loved ones kept assuring me time would bring me back but I am no ones fool – personal trainer, nutritionist  and lipo were always my post pregnancy plan. After all, I am not only happily a REAL mother – I am a REAL woman wearing REALLY glamorous chic shoes –  hear me roar …shh, don’t wake the REAL babies!!!

P.S. For readers who know me or follow me – the REAL reference is an inside notation – soon to be litigated and definitely discussed fully in my book.

%d bloggers like this: